Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
