Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
This can only be settled by a dance off.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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