im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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