it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize