I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
