Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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