I hope mine doesn't look like that
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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