ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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