it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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