Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize