did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
