I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize