She just used a chaser for red wine.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
