I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize