i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
