I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
