and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
