I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
