I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
you win again, gameday.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
