More tranny stories later!
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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