things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
