What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
