I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
