Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize