I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
