my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
