She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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