Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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