No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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