A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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