Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
