ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
No stitches, just platelets and will power
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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