i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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