mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
