he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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