My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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