Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Randomize
