Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize