it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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