Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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