What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
