hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize