its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
