I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
