Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Randomize
