the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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