It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
