Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
just tell him i said nine months
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
