It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
