i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
