U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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