Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
