Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
