dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
