True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
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