Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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