Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
