Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
