Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
