morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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