i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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