Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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