I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i just sent this text using only my big toe
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
