I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
this hospital has no fireball
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Randomize
