Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
