That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
