Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize