woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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