He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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